My MH Journey – The Beginning of the End.

I did it. Today, 20th October 2016, was the day I changed my life for good.

For those who don’t know, I suffer with anxiety and depression (which you can read about here). This morning I had an appointment with the Mental Health Team at university, which I booked several weeks ago. This was a huge step for me because I have never managed to seek help before, despite suffering from MHI for the majority of my life.

I can’t even begin to put into words, how nervous I was this morning. I puked several times and probably shouldn’t have driven myself there. I almost had an anxiety attack in the waiting room, but managed to calm myself down just in time. As soon as I walked into her office, I burst into tears before she had even said anything. Partly due to nerves, but mostly relief.

She was lovely, really understanding and so helpful. She asked loads of stuff, which I found so hard to talk about, but I knew she had to know. She told me that she was seeing severe symptoms of general and social anxiety disorder, as well as panic disorder and depression.

It was weird. I knew I had mental health issues. But when you give it a name. A disorder. When a professional says that you have mental health issues. It’s suddenly very real.

I told her that I have been trying to ring the doctors for about 2 years now. But every time I pick up the phone, I just can’t physically do it.

Without even asking about my availability, she spun around and called the doctors for me.

I was so shocked. But I think it’s what I needed. I needed someone to do it, to force me to go.

Monday 24th October 2016, at 09:50

I’m not sure how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m relieved, but also TERRIFIED. It’s a weird feeling. She was saying how she couldn’t believe I’ve come this far on my own. How it was a miracle that I achieved a First at university last year, with only 40% attendance. She was telling me how amazing I was, for a good half an hour. How clever I must be. I was very embarrassed, but I’d never thought of it like that. I’d never looked at all the good things I achieved.

We chatted for just over an hour and that’s the first time I’ve told anyone (other than my boyfriend and the #TalkMH gang on Twitter).

I am so so glad I did it and I urge anyone else who suffers, when they are ready, to get help. It’s not just you, you’re not alone. I was her third meeting of the day and it was only 10am.

I know I’ve got a long journey ahead of me, but this is the beginning of the end and I have never been prouder.

jade-x

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9 thoughts on “My MH Journey – The Beginning of the End.

  1. ashlexyz says:

    I’m so glad you managed to seek help! When I was at university and went to see someone about it, the person I saw was useless. She looked at me and said “you look fine. I think you’re okay so you don’t need to see me anymore” – evidently untrue when I saw a doctor and he saw straight away! Thank you for sharing your story, the first step is always one of the most difficult!

    XO,
    Ashley https://ashlexyz.wordpress.com/

    Like

    • Jade Writes says:

      Oh god that’s awful! I’m so sorry they didn’t help you, although I was fully expecting that to be the case for me as well. I have emailed lecturers and even my course leader in the past. None of them helped me or even told me about the MH team and the course leader completely ignored me! After that I never thought I’d get help, because it took so much out of me to tell my lecturers. But I felt I had to do it because I don’t want it to effect my final year. Thankfully she was amazing. Thankyou for reading! 💖

      Like

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